What do you call balls on your chin? messedupcole18 3 yr. ago. Waiter if I get my hands on you! Check out these funny one-liners that will give you the biggest laughs from the fewest words. Once. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. Approximately one GB. 22. Question and Answer Jokes What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? On June 23rd, 2011, Neogaf [6] user NIN90 . Robin you, now hand over the cash. This is a funny response that puts the focus on the other person. Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? Anal makes your hole weak. Just stare blankly at the person who asked you that and say nothing. But, heres a warning: Only use them in an appropriate setting where no one will be offended. Why do cows have bells? An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up. When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this.". Why is history like a fruit cake? Explanation: Kleptomaniacs (people with the impulse to steal) take things literally because they literally take things. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? 50 Valentine's Day Jokes 1. Fuck you said. Its the sound of you not talkingfor once. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. Buy any 10 and get 50% off. What did one Christmas tree say to another? They've kept in touch after all these years. "Catch up!". What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Be careful to whom you send these. Why did the pony have to gargle? What did the little tree say to the big tree? A meltdown. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? This worked so well! Elementree school. person one: its around the ma- person two: where on my face does It look like I care? "Whaddya mean?" Why don't sharks eat clowns? When Did I Ask Funny Joke Humor Sarcastic Humorous Sticker By plydia From $2.02 Seven Days without a pun makes one weak white T-Shirt Sticker By Newline store From $3.36 Forget About Princess I Want To Be A Zebra Sticker Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. 100+ Hilarious Jokes No One Is Too Old to Laugh At, 146 Hilarious Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up, 80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, 183 Jokes for Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun. How do you eat a squirrel? Where you put the cucumber. There were two goldfish in a tank. Did you hear the one about the roof? Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake. Some might even make your eyes roll. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Whether you're looking for popular kid jokes, animal jokes or, yes, even the dad jokes, we've got them on this list of kid-tested/parent-approved jokes for kids. Share the best GIFs now >>> Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. Next time someone asks you, "who asked," or "did I ask" use one of these clever comebacks and put them in their place. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? Hope you do, too: Here come the longer funny jokes! Later they get together. Because their horns don't work! Airplane Jokes for Kids. Will glass coffins be a success? What do you call a guy with a small dick? Me: *to the person I was talking to* How is sex like a game of bridge? Knock Knock! For fingering a minor. Hmmm, I guess you can see how much I care over there (then point to an empty hallway or somethinh similar) then grin. Your mind might want to dance, but your body is a really awkward white guy. We dont serve your type.. What did the grape do when it was sat on? []BMany people think of bully as one child pushing or hitting another, but bullying is not only physical. Whats the difference between a woman and a computer? 22. 2. Knock Knock! Anticipation is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions place to ask and answer thought-provoking.. Me a joke if you simply ask it to -- just say `` alexa tell. Unless youre just fed up with these types of comments and want to be rude. Confused by some of these clever jokes? It lightens the weights we carry in life, uplifts our moods, and bonds us to those we share in it with. A funny response can be to pretend to not understand the question. This one is funny because it can be used to make the question asker seem like they are crazy or have a bad memory and already has forgotten that they did in fact ask you. Because they use a honeycomb. Sucka. 28. 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument, 25+ Baddie Comebacks Thatll Slay Any Situation, 32+ Sassy Comebacks Guaranteed to Silence Your Haters. Assuming that the average lifespan of all these people was 25, there has been around 2.7 trillion years of life, if we multiply this by the number of days in a year (365), there is a total of 985,500,000,000,000 . They all are standing there awkwardly until one of them spots a stain on the carpet. With more than 130 jokes to scroll through, the laughs are guaranteed! . dang i didnt know that ur so dumb u dont know the difference between answering and telling. 47. A happy uncle. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90. Get ready to laugh with this Valentine's-themed joke: How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Oh never mind, Im still working on that one. You can try being the life of the party with one of these: Be careful joking with women. Your opinion is very important to me. While theres no guaranteed way to come up with the perfect comeback at the moment, there are a few witty responses that will put the other person in their place. I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. Well-armed. What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other? To get to the other side. What do you call a fake noodle? Even if you love these clever jokes, youll still get a kick out of these anti-jokes. Did you fall from heaven? 16. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.". Curiosity makes us go forward and develop our intelligence. (Its three.). Sucka dick and let me in. You boil the hell out of it. 2. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! 15. What do we want? What's E.T. Never mind, its too long., Two goldfish are in a tank. We recommend our users to update the browser. Dress her up as an altar boy. Well. Hey, havent we metaphor? What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? He just can't part with it. Would you rather have a million bucks, or [insert name]s head full of nickels? Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. 38. If a dove is the bird of peace, then is a swallow the bird of love? Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. When you have an app or website open in Chrome, ask Google Assistant to help you complete tasks, like finding a video to watch or searching for a message. ", What did the swordfish say to the marlin? Just another reason to moan, really. Because they're very good at it. A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm Came up. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Thats why Ive put together this list of 32+ witty comebacks for who asked and did I ask. I hope they help you the next time someone asks you this question! This is another funny response that will leave them dumbfounded. Girl: Hey, whats up? Boy: If I tell you, will you sit on it?. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job. The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up and says that hes had the same dream, too. But we both know that's not why you're here So, another option is to fire back with your own insult. The bear shrugged. But that's not all. Im not sure; I was born with them.. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Discover short videos related to did i ask jokes on TikTok. The redhead says it looks like cum. Robin who? 3. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? This response is very clever because it makes it very clear that you contributed helpful information. Because you should never drink and derive. There is a conversation happening and you decide to give your opinion or correct a statement and someone looks at you and responds did I ask you? Its one of those moments where after the fact you think of something very funny or clever to respond with, but in the moment you are left in shocked silence. They went up by a, Two cows are grazing in a field. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up. So theyd have at least one way to shut a woman up. In cases like this, we need some clever comebacks to put them in their place. One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep sh*t. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The Satisfactory. The box a penis comes in. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. How is life like a penis? We all wish that at the moment you could have some great response. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. OK, now you say, Control Freak who?. Once you open it, you realize its half-empty. Why do bees have sticky hair? Wait. person one: I went out to dinner with my family . Want more laughs? If at first you dont succeed, stop trying already. While it may be tempting to give a rude comment a piece of your mind, doing so is unlikely to change the situation for the better. Waiter! We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. A four-chin teller. when did i ask jokes 26.2M viewsDiscover short videos related to when did i ask jokes on TikTok. Halfway. What do you call a hippie's wife? Gardening Jokes + Printable Cards. In a hambulance. I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. 12 / 102. Do you love hearing jokes? Apple Jokes. They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? Making love to a woman is like playing the violin. 2. Looking for some laughs today? He told me to stop going to those places. Find out here! Tap To Copy. When Did I Ask Funny Joke Humor Sarcastic Humorous Stickers 5 Results Buy any 4 and get 25% off. Whos there? Watch the video: Only 1 percent of our visitors get these 3 grammar questions right 28 Best Replies To Hmm (Witty & Clever), 29 Best Replies To Hey Handsome (Witty & Clever), Funnier Or More Funny Comparative & Superlative Forms, 25 Best Comebacks To Suck My D*ck (Witty & Clever), 9 Other Ways to Say Im Good At on a Resume, 10 Polite Ways to Say No Visitors after Surgery, 11 Best Ways to Say Im Here for You to a Loved One, 10 Professional Ways to Say I Am Not Feeling Well. The bear shrugged. Example of When did I ask? Why dont we see elephants hiding in trees? Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. You might enjoy: 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument. Explanation: No joke has a double meaning here. After five years your job will still suck. You planet. Youre getting mayo all over my bed!, Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Jokes for Kids 2022 | Beano.com. Some mornings I wake up grumpy, on others I let her sleep in. Plus, when you get home and your kids ask what you did today, you can tell them you managed to sprinkle some humor into your workday. The guy in the middle says, Wow thats funny, I dreamed I was skiing., A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Hey! Strong people dont put others down. A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. If youre loving these clever jokes, youll get a kick out of these St. Patricks Day jokes youll want to share all year round. This one is both funny and clever because at first, it seems like a strange response but then it becomes clear that you are calling the question asker dumb. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. if( navigator.sendBeacon ) { 50 Brilliant Sarcastic Jokes That Will Crack You Up When You're Feeling Snarky By Mlanie Berliet Updated February 10, 2022 1. "Make me one with everything." 2. Not all men are annoying. You dont have to be rude or disrespectful when someone asks this question. 1. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. You come across as a person who has low self-esteem and is embarrassed to ask anybody for anything, for the fear of being refused or rejected again and again, so I did it on my own and to stop you from becoming a spectacle. She says, "Oh, it's like a dick but smaller." 36) The stork is the . What did the policeman say to the bank robbing skunk? Earbuds. But grammatically speaking, whom is the object of the verb to., If Ive told you n times, Ive told you n+1 times. said the man in the orthopedic shoes. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. Because, as mentioned above, the question implies that the question asker does not care about what the person they asked it to has to say. She drops her pants and says, My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!, A boy says to a girl, So, sex at my place? Yeah! Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks were making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. How do you get a nun pregnant? You look drunk. Between you and me, something smells. Originally Published: May 29, 2019 When kids want to laugh, they rarely turn to their math homework for jokes. Otherwise, have some fun: Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. What do you get from a pampered cow? Your mom sure seemed to care last night. Here are 45 of his best (and cringe-inducing) jokes from previous shows and appearances, and The Office: Warning: adult humour follows "Where there's a will - there's a relative!" Ten-tickles. jokes just never get old well, almost never! and our This one is funny because it seemingly implies that you didnt even realize that they were part of the conversation, making them look dumb and unimportant. On some occasions, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. Well, they're not laughing now! Fuck you said who? If you know of some funny questions and Cortana replies that are not on the list, please share them in the comments section below. Im not sure how I feel about masturbation On the one hand, its pretty great. Manage Settings A golfer goes. Read next: 32+ Sassy Comebacks Guaranteed to Silence Your Haters. Well, I am 100% sure you did. The other says, "I'm a big metal fan.". Last updated: Feb 09, 2023 Jokes and Riddles For Kids and Adults to Solve. A gummy bear. Ivana fuck your brains out. Whats a foot long and slippery? You planet. Now the focus has shifted back to them, showing anyone in earshot how rude the first question was, making them embarrassed and making you laugh. 33. To. 5. Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? By using one of the comebacks from our list, you can shut down the person who asked without causing a scene. When you die, what part of the body dies last? If they do, we've got more timeless jokes for you. Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news.". Which is faster, hot or cold? Hi! Even young children enjoy the structure of joke-telling; the setup, the unexpected punchline, then laughing out loud together! How does a squid go into battle? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. When did I ask - slang Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone. I used to be addicted to soap. My Dad had a firm grip on my shoulders. Theres no menu: You get what you deserve. What is the opposite of a croissant? What did the man give his fianc, a card enthusiast, when he wanted to propose to her? It needed help figuring out its problems. Get ready to laugh, hard. Youre probably dumb. The difference between kinky and perverted is the difference between using a feather, and using the rest of the bird. I think its time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable. Because they use a honeycomb. If you see me smiling its because Im thinking of doing something bad. But hay, its in my jeans. You wait here. I guess it's just not in the cards for me. The husband, surprised, pulls his out. Totally shocked. A cancer-causing ingredient sparked the alarm, according to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). 40. Explanation: This works on a couple of levels: as wordplay (genes vs. jeans) and as scientific fact (genes can determine body shape). The priest started a fire in the fireplace and found blankets and a sleeping bag but only one bed. Youd better be. Da brie was everywhere. Joke, joke, jooooooooooooooke. Sometimes its just best to be clever in your response to make the other person seem dumb or silly. What should you say when someone says, Who asked?. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? Why arent koalas actual bears? "Make me one with everything.". And do you love, well, jokes? Shhhh, the adults are talking, so please keep quiet. Cancel its credit card. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? What did one pig say to the other on Valentine's Day? If you need so much space, theres always NASA. 39. Not all men are annoying. Because he's got little legs. You think youre funny, but youre snot!. But these clever jokes offer something special: In addition to making others laugh, they make you sound smart. I dont think so. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. 6. What did the penis say to the vagina? Ok. (and then continuing usually does the trick). Here's a list of 55 . The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. The batroom. He tells his waiter, "I want a grilled cheese." If you dont like what I have to say, you are free to walk away or share your own story. So they don't peel. A deodor-ant. 9. As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. Sneakers. Because the P is silent! Answer: A Diamond Question: What did the cowboy say went he went into the car showroom in Germany? We have more jokes for you, click on big red button below. He wanted to get a long little doggie. Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. They lift them up and slam them on the ground. If you buy from a link, we may earn a commission. You can also sign up for our newsletter so you don't miss out on what's next! 2. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? navigator.sendBeacon('https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', payload); Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Welcome to Grammarhow!We are on a mission to help you become better at English. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I got drunk. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Id be fine if there werent so much blood in my alcohol system. When someone asks did I ask you, you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. I hope Death is a woman. See you next month. "Busted, now if you'll excuse me, I need to buy a pair of nice-looking men's overalls and Dr. Martens.". What do boobs and toys have in common? Funny responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like at a party or during a conversation with friends. READ THIS NEXT: 146 Hilarious Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up. Explanation: This ones full of nods to music: Chopin and Bach were composers, and a minuet is a type of dance (and the music that goes along with it). Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". Oinkment. All while making the question asker look dumb. Please stay on the line until you hear the beep forvoicemail. What did the mother rope say to her child? Its the people I tell them to who cant. The line gained popular recognition in mid-June 2011. You said youd be home by 11:45!, Actually, the mathematician replies coolly, I said Id be home by a quarter of 12., Explanation: Divide 12 by four, or a quarter. Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? When When When When When. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? What did the O say to the Q? It is a pretty rude thing to say. Nobody asked you, either, but it seems that we all have to listen. Low flying airplane noises! document.addEventListener( 'DOMContentLoaded', function() { Whats the best part about gardening? "Are you gay?". jokes just never get old. A clever response shows that you are quick on your feet can be really smart. What did prehistoric animals get instead of blisters? Masturbation is like procrastinationits all good fun until you realize youre just fucking yourself. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nasty knock-knock jokes: We give some joke weapons to outdo your buddies: Children interpret everything they hear their way. Because it's not good to drink and derive. I said you look fat in those pants. When someone asks "did I ask you", you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. This response works because it responds to the rude question with a level of innocence that fully brings attention to how rude the question asker was being towards you. The photon says, No, Im traveling light.. 134 Likes, 20 Comments - Wellness Habits + Accountability partner (@cassiehuntwellness) on Instagram: "There's kind of a running joke in my family. You spread its little legs. A trip without kids. Even thoughts can raise them. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Also if I asked you wouldn't be talking. So the next time someone tells you, nobody asked, just let them have it with one of these witty comebacks. Catch up! Control Freak. So read on for some of the funniest two-line jokes and quick quips around, and don't forget to pass them on to your equally immature friends. A tomato in an elevator. This response works because it makes it seem like you dont really care what the question asker wanted. Why are Penises the lightest things in the world? Where does the general keep his armies? What's black and white and goes round and round? My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down. I love every bone in your body, especially mine. A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and cola.". Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay? Later on, the girl is yelling, Cheese cheese, tomato tomato! The younger brother says, Stop making sandwiches! Cereal pleasure to meet you! That really hurt!" the first friend exclaims. Whats long and hard and full of semen? READ THIS NEXT:80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. When When When When When When When. By following these tips, youll be able to handle the who asked question like a pro and keep the conversation going despite it. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, Heres something I have that youll never have! What did the dog say when it sat on some sharp stones? Then why are you still talking? If a moldy dIck had a face, it would have yours . How can you tell its a dogwood tree? "I'm not sure; I was born with them.". Question: What is another name for female Viagra? Whats 72? If you see me laughing, its because I already have. He pasta-way. 2.) "No, I'm not, but don't take my word for it, ask your dad.". Getting down and dirty with your hoes. It is all about reading a room and assessing a situation when you have to decide between a clever or funny response. "Dill me in!". the bear replies. If a woman talks dirty to a man, thatll be $6.50 a minute. Next time someone asks you, who asked, or did I ask use one of these clever comebacks and put them in their place. What do you call a deaf gynecologist? I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. More jokes about: church, men, money, priest, wife. King Henry, the second the queen leaves, well bring in the strippers! 31. Knock Knock. I cant wait to see her face light up when she opens it. Whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now. What is red and smells like blue paint? While the forgetfulness could be funny on its own, no one wants to suffer through the embarrassment of messing up a good joke, especially if its one of the, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), why did the chicken cross the road? jokes, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. If youve ever been in situations where you say something, and someone says, did I ask and you dont know how to respond, these did i ask comebacks will serve you well. How much space will free up in the EU after Brexit? What do you call a fake noodle? Here are some dark jokes to check out if you have a morbid sense of humor. A limbo champ walks into a bar. Explanation: The worlds population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for. However, if you are sure about yourself and her reaction, try one of these: There are a lot of stupid jokes among good ones. 137 of the Best Jokes for Kids. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Did you hear about the depressed plumber? King Henry the Second who? Same middle name. A comeback said by mostly middle school boys when they know they have lost an argument but want the last laugh. 3. I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Light travels faster than sound, which is why people like you appear brightuntil they open their mouths. A slipper. Your responsibility is to assess the situation and determine the best course of action. Just-in. It was two tired. Right where you left it. One looks at the other and says, You know how to drive this thing?!. Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Just because you didnt ask doesnt mean you didnt need to be told. Family Matters actor Marie Jo Payton details an on-set disagreement with Jaleel White. So whether youre dealing with a hater or just somebody whos generally uninterested, here are 14+ clean comebacks for who cares and nobody cares., Read next: 25+ Baddie Comebacks Thatll Slay Any Situation. She choked. A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, Anything you say can and will be held against you. The man replies, Boobs!. Whenever someone has a health problem or feels like" I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. if( 'moc.enilnoefiltseb' !== location.hostname.split('').reverse().join('') ) { I don't know, and I don't care. One was a-salted. Knock knock. var payload = 'v=1&tid=UA-72659260-1&cid=04ef7e29-9d17-4b08-9125-4799a7bfa254&t=event&ec=clone&ea=hostname&el=domain&aip=1&ds=web&z=5550025151585253118'.replace( 'domain', location.hostname ); Pilgrims. A friend of mine went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb. What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Because every play has a cast. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A cherry float. What did one pencil say to the other pencil? 40. Hey, just warning you: These lolable jokes should only be told among those who will accept your weird sense of humor: Whos there? This ability to anonymously put your thoughts out there for others to see leads people to frequently type and publish things they would NEVER say to someone's face. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Check out these other why did the chicken cross the road? jokes for more laughs. In fact, it could make things worse by escalating the situation and giving the troll more attention. The bartender says, "Why the long face?". Why don't math majors throw house parties? Elizabeth Mulvahill on June 16, 2022. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? What did the pirate say when he turned 80? You could read it as seriously or as a joke didnt walk into the bar. If this made you roll your eyes, just wait until you read some of these dad jokes. He wanted his quarter back. You would not use any of these if you werent: Well, these joke are silly, but still funny: Jokes about sex are eternal. Virgin Mobile, Boy: Want to hear a joke about my dick? Ouch! Why are YOU shaking? He didn't have the guts to ask anyone.