The problem is that even when youre doing everything right by the narcissist, it isnt always enough. In any case, the only way to win against a narcissist is to never play their game. Your best life, in other words, is anything without them in it and thats all they need to know. And you should report anything illegal especially domestic violence. Non-narcissistic individuals are often humbled by humiliations; they take a negative situation and use it as a chance to learn and grow. My narc has succeeded in turning my 20 yo daughter against me; we are estranged and she wants nothing to do with me. Narcissists have a very one-dimensional view of the world, and its one where they can do no wrong and the world is out to get them. Not traceable by any means. Im glad that you too have found humor. Download Bundle Pack: Empathic Warriors Survival Stories + FREE Confuse Them With Silence: 8 great stories of Empathic Warriors who defeated the narcissist in their lives. As a result, things may get heated in an argument. The first step to getting a narcissist to forgive you is by allowing yourself to be vulnerable with them. Watch this short video from Stephanie Lyn that I hope will help to motivate you: All of the other options either lead to additional suffering for us or they provide more ammunition for the narcissist to use against us. Tell them how they lied and cheated, and abused you in many other ways. Narcissists have but one goal get more narcissistic supply. Learn how your comment data is processed. They were not the partner you fell in love with and now it seems that this narcissist is actively trying to destroy you. No one is likely to believe you and even if they do, the narcissist will soon smooth everything over. Defiance. How To Hurt a Narcissist: Do This Without Becoming Like Them, Staying In Narcissistic Relationships Because Of The Children, When A Covert Narcissist Finds Someone New. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "ad6c1b8d9fbea60cfdb8d85fc21dabf7" );document.getElementById("i2dc42b6e0").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. Download Wearemore app to vent, get support, or just talk with others who are going through what you are going through! Youre trying to do the right thing; rather than lashing out or plotting revenge, you want to work out a peaceful solution with the narcissist. I hate myself for loving him so much! Narcissists, with their controlling, contrarian ways can emotionally wear you out. I dont recommend them. If youre asking for understanding and compassion from a narcissist, youre barking up the wrong tree. They need others to feed on; otherwise, they will shrivel up like the vermin they are. Stay strong! That is a very good way to put it. Are You Interested in The Following Topics? There is no winning at all with a narcissist. It's like not letting a junkie have his drug. Im not endorsing any of them or suggesting that anyone should actually go out and do them. Getting over it is a very difficult process that Im not trying to gloss over here, but I think you make an important point. 6. The real idea with this not just that youre leaving them for someone else, but that youre making sure they know, right? 4. I exposed it knowing people would see. Walk away and live your most authentic life. Just by leaving we take all of our power back. You've probably already figured a lot of this out. Do not gvv access to u emotionally u hv the power. The best revenge for them, is to pre-emptively breakup with Them. Just knuckle under and accept the abuse? Without having to leave them for another person, youre telling them youre strong enough to stand on your own. Period. Living with a narcissist can lead to feelings of insecurity, confusion, and self-doubt. Maybe you would feel some validation that they would finally understand the pain they caused and could relax knowing they couldnt cause you any more pain. A sure-fire way to make them angry is to show them up in any of these areas. that brings down their illusion of superiority, Bundle Pack: Empathic Warriors Survival Stories + FREE Confuse Them With Silence, https://laughingatnarcs.com/index.php/2019/06/18/how-to-survive-a-toxic-boss/, Why Being in a Relationship with a Narcissist is Like Being a Handbag, 10 Reasons Why Narcissists Make the Best Exes (According to Narcissists), How To Heal After a Narcissistic Relationship, Narcissistic Victim Mentality: Narcissists Love Playing Victims (Crazy Narcissism), When Your Narcissists Turns Everyone Against You. When that isnt the case, which many times it isnt of course being seen with someone else who can be seen as good looking as them (which theyll see as hotter lol). She got full custody and moved 125 miles away. I dont consider it revenge. Its the easiest path to Revenge for anyone, not just a Narc. This seems like the first and most obvious way to hurt them. But it is something that far too many victims often times overlook. The win is truly ours because walking away shows them we no longer care about anything they have to say and they have no more control over our lives. Unfortunately, theyre likely to use your words and actions against you, even when youre being amicable. In their twisted thinking, they are most pleased when you come after them with anger because, to them, it proves how you need to be taught a lesson. Want to learn about the five stages of leaving a narcissist? Forcing you to keep looking over your shoulder all the time. It affects everyone, but if its not terribly long after you and the Narc parted ways, you know itll hit home to them. Only it was with the other woman. Because in their twisted minds, they can not stand the idea of being left alone, so EVERYONE ELSE MUST think the same, right? Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. 4. 8) Look your best. It wasnt all. It boosts narcissists ego, knowing they can hurt someone, even after they have discarded the narcissistic supply. I'm going to get straight to the point: it's all about calling them on their bullshi. They gain narcissistic supply from you, even if its negative. But we must always remember that old aphorism says: those who seek revenge better dig TWO GRAVES.. Don't allow that, ever. Try challenging their opinions, ignoring their commands, or laughing at their misfortunes and theyll fly into a narcissistic rage. I just cant find a solution to my problem. While most people can regulate their feelings of self-worth internally, the narcissist relies completely on outsiders for this validation. This almost never happens for narcissists, so any happiness you might get out of humiliating them will be offset by the retaliation that follows. We laugh NOT to teasebut to heal and to let go! 4. But first lets discuss the weaknesses of the Narcissist. For the sake of argument, lets say you want to get a little payback after enduring frequent episodes of narcissistic abuse. The strongest thing that can hit a nail on a narcissist's head is ignoring. I say he isnt very smart doing that. The most common strategy from a narcissist is to try to isolate you. Extremism. You dont need to be blatant about it either, narcissists are always making comparisons, so theyre sure to find out when youre doing better than them in some way. The narcissist might try harder at first to get a reaction from you; in other words, you might have to endure more abuse. Give them consequenses. But lets examine them anyway as a theoretical exercise and determine what it is about them thats so attractive and why they are unlikely to work. Hi Andy: Im so sorry to hear about the pain you are going through right now. Narcissistic people thrive on attention. I guess they will investigate this and if he isnt lying he can prove that he had genuinely had received a doctorate. To seek revenge on the narcissist is to BE like the narcissist. Because narcissists are eternal victims, they will view you as the attacker if you do many of these things, instead of viewing them as reactions to something they did. Many things may take place during the process, some of which you may be unaware of. When you look good on the outside, you feel happy on the inside. You may want to look up some articles on this to see how other people have gone about doing it. You just cant take it anymore and are tired of feeling powerless. You may have lashed out in anger at the narcissist in the past. State your truth and disgust to them when you are ready and strong enough. They dance to the beat of their own fckd up "me,me,me" drum They seek admiration and power, and feel zero empathy. 1. You want others to see through their lies and feel vindicated. Narcissists need to be seen as the best at everything, in their career, relationships, health, etc. Usually, you would respond with anger or outrage or tears at this mistreatment. Its saying no and ignoring them rolled into one with a permanent twist. It's not even the loss of their job, their position of power (though it does sting to lose that, too). You can also subscribe without commenting. I need to read a successful ending from a husband of a narcissistic WIFE! But now you can do it on purpose just to show them they cant control you. Thanks again for your comment and your insight. OMG, he lies all the time! The guild you bare from where there is no escape. 1. 3. Empathic validation is a fancy way of saying, butter up your criticism with a compliment first . The narc is constantly in his head about what a bad person/mom I am. So I made an anonymous tip off to his school where he teachers that his is fraudulent and dishonest. Write what you are feeling and ask her when she says she doesnt want to talk to you why? Moreover, is getting revenge on them something thats healthy for you? Run, girl! That we can live in a world where someone can cause so much damage and get away with it seems so unjust. 1. Isolation. Dont talk bad about the father (although he is the reason). Of course lol. And they are perfectly willing to play the role of conqueror. Or they will think youre so hung up on him or her that you had to run out and find someone else immediately to get over them. See, it's a give and take thing. It's not even the loss of treasured material possessionsthough they do feel a major blow when they face such a loss. You could even feel relief knowing maybe they wouldnt do this to anyone else. He love bombed me, we asked his way into my life, then out of nowhere became the darkest human being Ive ever met. Go home. BUT you can get them back. Then I went silent. He gave me a std that cannot be cured. Its hard but I did move on 15 years with a wonderful wife so loving and the whole family is great. I chose to be the victor. Keep cool and laugh INSIDE at how delusional these people can be. My grandchildren are 9 and 7 and the mother excessively involves herself in every conceivable way. If you do this verbally or by a letter doesnt matter much. Yes, I know theres a part of us that wants to see it all come crashing down for them. Note that Im examining these as thought exercises. The worst thing to do to a narcissist is to not let them have any power over your emotions. Your email address will not be published. I heard of this somewhere and it is genious. . The worst thing you can do to a narcissist that will drive them insane is something very very simple. You can say something like, "I feel terrible for". They might say they feel sorry or ashamed for their actions, but only because theyve learned that contrition is an effective method for getting what they want. I plan to put it all on YouTube and send links to his friends and family. 6. It did expose him but he didnt change. There are four main types of narcissistic personality disorder and each of them will respond differently to criticism and you standing up for yourself. Over time, people around narcissists . We were engaged and only two months away from our wedding when he ended things. There you go. (Make sure you take pictures of the articles just in case she throws it away). The reason why is that many emotions were manufactured in us over time through the relationship, and some of these urges will stem directly from those emotions. And when we can show a narc that they are NOTHINGthat KILLS THEM INSIDE. One of the worst things you can do to a narcissist is to not acknowledge them. Don't just use words, demonstrate it in front of the flying monkeys. Can someone please tell me how to get my narcissistic husband to want to leave on his own? Hi V! Once I crossed that threshold, I saw him and the other woman as cartoon characters in mind and their antics not only lost their ability to hurt or trigger methey actually became funny in a Saturday Night Live kind of way. Occasionally a narcissist will cry a few crocodile tears because its advantageous to them, but this isnt true vulnerability. They NEED ATTENTION SO BADLY. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to try and even the scores. Very good. Taking revenge on a narcissist is pointless. In most cases, shaming a narcissist causes the situation to get turned around on you. But you know the truth. Yes, it seems counterintuitive, but the truth is that when a narcissist feels complimented or appreciated, they tend to become even more complacent and entitled.